I find it interesting how often life changes. Be it through relationships, appearance or even perception, life is ever changing. The most recent changes in my life, however, have been some of the greatest things to happen to me this year.

It’s crazy how little you see when you are blinded by ignorance. I spent almost an entire year trying to renew something that was long overdue and I paid for it. I ignored the advice of my elders and paid mind to what I believed to be the “right” thing. Instead of acting through contemplative intelligence, I acted as a bull through a china shop, charging for everything I found to be beautiful. This, I now realize was bull-headed and in a selfless way, selfish. It took change for me to realize this.

This change helped to expose me to the true toxic that was being poured through my heart. Spending my time and pouring my soul into a fleeted memory that had long been distorted.

Being in a new relationship, one of compassion, accountability, honesty, and sincere care has exposed to me what I’ve been missing out on… A chance for me to grow and learn. I don’t have to spend so much time focusing on how to make us grow and I’m able to see what aspects of being a Christian I need to focus on growing in.

The buttterflies in my chest over this woman who follows Christ, seeks my attention as much as I seek hers, and challenges me to grow in my faith have been fluttering with such intense vigor that I can’t help but smile at the sheer thought of her. I’m happy. Genuinely happy. And I’m seeking Christ? Wow. That never happens to me.

Normally, I fall into the common habit that most Christians succumb to: seeking Christ when I feel that I need him. Currently though, I’m not in a situation where I feel weak and poor, but one that I feel empowered and able. And I’m still seeking out Christ.

I pray that this desire either doesn’t change (though I know it will because I am a flawed human) or that when I’m at other strong points, I remember this feeling and seek the Lord.